Recently a thread of convo started on facebook with Sheens marriage issue. Her friends were goofing around and, as kids at their age, though life revolves around studying 24x7, they still like to have fun and goof around. Understandably with the ‘A’ levels pressure, it was all in the name of fun.
But that thread of conversation started me thinking and thinking real hard.
As most of you know, my ex in-laws are staunch, authentic Rajputs. Noone marries out of the caste, creed or religion. My ex hubby was the eldest son in the clan of 27 cousins and the first to marry outside the caste and even that to a Muslim. History has always shown that Rajputs worst enemies were the Muslims… so this was a total catastrophe.
Over time, the families reconciled, and life moved on smoothly.
Then the princess of the clan was born. Sheena Chauhan – the 1st girl – the crown princess as there were no other girl in the family. The HEAD girl.
The name choosing ceremony was a horrendous process. Each side wanted either a Muslim name or a Hindu name. But both gods were on our side… they were merciful and showed the movie Sheena of the Jungle in the hospital, the day after her birth. An Irish name meaning “God’s precious gift”. It was apt as she was and she is precious.
Now expectations were set and being set as she was enjoying a carefree life. She will marry within the caste, within the religion and that too to a RAJPUT. Even though the divorce happened yonks ago, but she is the Clan Princess. She has a crown and obligations on her shoulder that she will oblige to!
Little incidents started happening - I remember this one scene where my side of the family was having a prayer at someone home and the elderly members of the family started by saying – your daughter has grown up. We must start looking for someone for her. This went on for several minutes and it became unbearable. I couldn’t say anything as they were my elders and I rarely meet them. Then the bomb drops – Sheens couldn’t take it and announces – “Look naniji – my mother is a muslim, my dad is a hindu and I have a Christian name – hence I will marry a white”. Saying this, she leaves the hall. Pin drop silence. Then explosion on how rude she is, and how I have brought her up with no values. I put my hand up and say – she’s only 14 years of age. How do you expect her to react when you bring such topic up with a 14 year old!!!! Arghhhh
The next incident happens 2 years later at a wedding. One of the aunties come up to me and say – oh we have this nice educated guy in the village in India and we come with a proposal for marriage for your daughter. I was speechless. Recovering I asked, may I know how old do you think my daughter is? Pat came the reply, she’s 18 or 20 no? I lost it and shouted, no she is only 16 and I have no desire to see her married until she’s 30 years of age!!!!
And the FB thing exploded today with Sheens marriage issue and I am scared and thinking hard.
Is Sheena expected to follow the rules set by her grandma? What if she defies it and marries out of religion, caste & creed? What happens then?
What do I want? Where is my stance with my only child? Do I want a life like all the royal princesses stories that we hear on the tv and read about in the magazines and papers? Loads and loads of expectations & obligations & responsibilities?
I have always brought her up with knowledge on both religions and most importantly – always to be a good human being first – kind, considerate and generous. Go to bed every night with a clear conscience and do not ever hurt anyone intentionally. No religions teaches you bad stuff… every religion is good.
So where does that leave my child – she’s suppose to be god’s precious gift right? So what am I going to do? What is Sheena going to do? I wrestled with it the whole day in the office today while working on the company's annual report and I have decided:
- 1st of all, she is still a kid – she’s only 18 so lets take a chill pill!!!!
- As her mother, I will always stand by her with whatever she decides in life
- Last but not least – she is not ALLOWED to marry till she’s 30 years of age!!!
Phew I feel better now with that final statement. And now I can go home and sleep in peace. Goodnite all
shalini
1 comment:
As correct as you are with Point 1 & 2, you are wrong with Point 3 - I am taking the unoffered liberty of being critical but sorry to say, when you put the condition of 30, you become no different than anyone else that's putting Sheens under pressure. Be it the rule of 30 or be it the rule of caste & creed, rules are rules.
Sheens is smart & intelligent. I am sure she knows what's good for her - and I am even more sure she'll come to you when she needs help.
So do take that chill pill you wrote about.
:-)
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