Religion & My Name Is Khan

As everyone know, I was born in a Muslim family. Hence I am a Muslim. A practicing Muslim – not a fanatic Muslim but I like to believe I am a moderate Muslim.

At the age of 22, I married a Hindu but was still practicing the religion since I couldn’t bring myself to convert to Hinduism. Nor was I ever forced by anyone on my in-laws side to convert or start practicing the Hindu religion. I was one of those lucky people who was/is blessed with such understanding and supportive in-laws.

I saw the movie My Name Is Khan today. The main point in the movie he was/is trying to make is “My Name is Khan and I am not a terrorist” ie not every Muslim is a terrorist.

I came out of the movie with another point. There 2 types of people in this world. There are good people and the bad people. There is a man with a stick hitting a child hence he is bad. There is a man giving a lollipop to a child, hence he is good. So lets compare these 2 people and decide - who is the Muslim and who is the Hindu. And seriously - this is one funda that registered and something that I could totally relate to.

Now the main point – religion. I was born in a Muslim family, hence I am a Muslim. If I were to be born in a Christian family, my faith would be Christianity etc etc.

- I believe that the color of my blood and any other person is RED. The blood won’t say I am a Muslim and the other blood is a Hindu or Buddhist or Christian.

- I believe no religion teaches you to be bad and there is no such thing as a bad religion.

- I believe that because you are born into that religion, your beliefs always lies there though there are exceptions where people do convert but mainly you remain in the faith you are born into.

Living in Singapore, I come across all religions. Touch wood, there has never been any major riots or fights in the name of religion. I was once in Delhi when a fight broke up between the Hindus and the Muslims and so many people were killed in the name of religion. It was painful and I couldn’t understand why they don’t see the point that you are taking a person’s life who happens to be someone's bro/sis/son/daughter which you don’t have any right to do. You building hatred in yourself and generating negative energy around you.

During that period, this uncle was visiting from Jaipur and when he learned that I am a Muslim, he refused to drink water that I had served. He ended up insulting my in-laws and walking out of the house. The hatred and also the fear on his face is something that I will never forget – it was so vivid – so strong. How can you hate someone just because he/she was born into that religion and/or believes in that religion.

In comparison, during one Diwali in Delhi, I was at a friend’s house during the Diwali pooja. Vibhor’s mom gave me a diya and asked me to participate in the ceremony, knowing full well that I am a Muslim. Vibhor’s mom didn’t force me to chant or sing or anything – just stand there with the family. It was an enlightening experience to watch how other’s perform their prayers, the rituals, the actions and be part of the celebration. Compared to the Jaipur Uncle, Vibhor’s mom holds a special place in my heart just because she did not discriminate me being a Muslim though she herself is a staunch Hindu.

And that’s the way I have brought up my daughters. Forget religion, just be a good human being. If you can sleep with a clear conscience every night, you are a good person. And whatever the religion, God only preaches good teaching and encourages you to be a good person doing good deeds.

I could totally relate to this movie and I encourage everyone to watch it. Hopefully we will come out and be a good person – the person who gives out lollipop instead of taking a stick to hit people!

shalini

Tragedy or Reality? The Life Story of a Princess??

Recently a thread of convo started on facebook with Sheens marriage issue. Her friends were goofing around and, as kids at their age, though life revolves around studying 24x7, they still like to have fun and goof around. Understandably with the ‘A’ levels pressure, it was all in the name of fun.

But that thread of conversation started me thinking and thinking real hard.

As most of you know, my ex in-laws are staunch, authentic Rajputs. Noone marries out of the caste, creed or religion. My ex hubby was the eldest son in the clan of 27 cousins and the first to marry outside the caste and even that to a Muslim. History has always shown that Rajputs worst enemies were the Muslims… so this was a total catastrophe.

Over time, the families reconciled, and life moved on smoothly.

Then the princess of the clan was born. Sheena Chauhan – the 1st girl – the crown princess as there were no other girl in the family. The HEAD girl.

The name choosing ceremony was a horrendous process. Each side wanted either a Muslim name or a Hindu name. But both gods were on our side… they were merciful and showed the movie Sheena of the Jungle in the hospital, the day after her birth. An Irish name meaning “God’s precious gift”. It was apt as she was and she is precious.

Now expectations were set and being set as she was enjoying a carefree life. She will marry within the caste, within the religion and that too to a RAJPUT. Even though the divorce happened yonks ago, but she is the Clan Princess. She has a crown and obligations on her shoulder that she will oblige to!

Little incidents started happening - I remember this one scene where my side of the family was having a prayer at someone home and the elderly members of the family started by saying – your daughter has grown up. We must start looking for someone for her. This went on for several minutes and it became unbearable. I couldn’t say anything as they were my elders and I rarely meet them. Then the bomb drops – Sheens couldn’t take it and announces – “Look naniji – my mother is a muslim, my dad is a hindu and I have a Christian name – hence I will marry a white”. Saying this, she leaves the hall. Pin drop silence. Then explosion on how rude she is, and how I have brought her up with no values. I put my hand up and say – she’s only 14 years of age. How do you expect her to react when you bring such topic up with a 14 year old!!!! Arghhhh

The next incident happens 2 years later at a wedding. One of the aunties come up to me and say – oh we have this nice educated guy in the village in India and we come with a proposal for marriage for your daughter. I was speechless. Recovering I asked, may I know how old do you think my daughter is? Pat came the reply, she’s 18 or 20 no? I lost it and shouted, no she is only 16 and I have no desire to see her married until she’s 30 years of age!!!!

And the FB thing exploded today with Sheens marriage issue and I am scared and thinking hard.

Is Sheena expected to follow the rules set by her grandma? What if she defies it and marries out of religion, caste & creed? What happens then?

What do I want? Where is my stance with my only child? Do I want a life like all the royal princesses stories that we hear on the tv and read about in the magazines and papers? Loads and loads of expectations & obligations & responsibilities?

I have always brought her up with knowledge on both religions and most importantly – always to be a good human being first – kind, considerate and generous. Go to bed every night with a clear conscience and do not ever hurt anyone intentionally. No religions teaches you bad stuff… every religion is good.

So where does that leave my child – she’s suppose to be god’s precious gift right? So what am I going to do? What is Sheena going to do? I wrestled with it the whole day in the office today while working on the company's annual report and I have decided:

- 1st of all, she is still a kid – she’s only 18 so lets take a chill pill!!!!

- As her mother, I will always stand by her with whatever she decides in life

- Last but not least – she is not ALLOWED to marry till she’s 30 years of age!!!

Phew I feel better now with that final statement. And now I can go home and sleep in peace. Goodnite all

shalini

Dear Salary

shalini

Oh wat a nite

You know the famous old song – oh what a night by Frankie Valli. Well sheens 18 birthday was such a night for me.. Such an eye opener it was and a big wake up call for me. And I just have been singing that song since that nite!

It all started well and hunky dory with her godma and sunil coming to buy her breakfast and wishing her. Then some of her close friends came over home to surprise her – then proceeding on to the bbq venue for the big bash.

Wait before that – she wanted a magazine like the one I did for Parul & Victor for their birthday. So had to do that project for her too. Chasing everyone for their write ups and photos. And guess wat – as usual – its my gang who delays it. Her school mates were fabulous – they replied and wrote and the only ones I had to chase was my gang – the adults! The last writer was Montu bhaiya!

Anyways magazine made and waiting to be given to her. Guess what sheens did? She sets an alarm on her watch for 3am. Everyone is asleep and she goes to my handbag, takes out the magazine and sits in the toilet reading her magazine. Oh child, couldn’t you wait a few more hours – it would have been given to you – its yours!

So back to D-Day. Caterers came, set up the food and I was politely told – mum please go away. I go up to Parul’s place to help her cook.

10 mins later a frantic phone call – “Mummy! The security guard is here. What’s the unit number and the block number that was used to book the bbq pit?” I panicked and looked out of the balcony – and guess wat – the kids are in the swimming pool with their clothes on. Apparently they were thrown in as they came for the party. Hence the security guard.


Other highlights:

- Nandini walks in looking so pretty and gorgeous in a really nice dress. Next thing I know – she’s thrown into the pool - totally drenched and wet and laughing. Oh yes – laughing. She’s totally ok with it – if someone did that to me – I will kill the person – personally!

- When I came back from Parul’s place, I see bottles of liquor on one table. I approach the kids and say – excuse me how old are you guys that you are drinking. Guess wats the answer was – “Auntie we are old enough to drink – we all above 18 hence above the legal age” – oh god. I start hyperventilating.

- A friend of Sheens comes and says:
Friend: “Auntie can we give Sheena drinks?”
Me: “Look my child – in my books sheena is only legal and allowed to drink when she reaches 25!!!!!!”

- An hour later:
Friend: “Auntie – can we dump sheena in the swimming pool?”
Me: “Please do so after all her guest arrives – at least after 7.30pm”

Now why would you want to do that – she’s looking fantastic in her new dress that her godma & didi(s) bought for her. It’s a $100 dress that she is wearing for the 1st time. Why would you want to dunk her in the pool? Where is the logic here?

- This girl lifts her t-shirt and she has the hives on her body. It really scary – blood patches all over her body. First thing in my mind was – where is the nearest doctor – forget doc – what’s the ambulance number… And the child is saying – its ok auntie. It happens whenever I drink – oh child – then why do you drink!!!! Aiyo

- Another friend of sheens – goes around repeatedly telling parul and me – “Auntie I am a really good boy you know. I really am. You not upset with me are you?” Yes – you guessed it – he was talli.. totally talli

Anyways it goes on and on and on…By the end of it, I was tired, cranky and totally hysterical.

Lesson learnt – never ever again! No way. I am too old for this – I really am.

The outcome - the birthday girl is happy and over the moon - she has at least 8 albums on facebook for her birthday photos - her friends are apparently happy too - she loves her magazine!

One week later –
Sheena: Mom there is a chalet during the june holidays. May I go?
Me: With whom?
Sheena: Same gang – those who attended my birthday party.
Me: No way – you dream baby.

After much negotiation – she gets to go. She will pay me cab fare from her allowance to spot check on her 3 times everyday. And if her 2 best friends – Jared or Fei Yin (or she for that matter) - are drinking and I smell liquor on them – I have every right to drag her home by her hair

Yippee – such a good deal – I am so happy now. Though she still arguing over - Why Jared? Why Fei Yin? Rules are rules babe - (Evil Grin!)

shalini

My Angels

Isn't this an awesome picture? (Yes the proud mummy is speaking here!)



shalini

It is Friday the 13th.

Guess what - its 2 months into 2009 and today i realise life is back to normal.

How - sheens comes home with full of complaints of her school life... Here's the list:

**Her best friends have decided to immortalised themselves on her cell phone - oops sorry Hazique decides to immortalised Sheens best friends - so he replaces Swetha who became Swetha My Saviour, somebody called Ming Yao (earlier blog remember) became Ming Yao My Hero and Hazique became Hazique The Great then he realised not personal enough - so it was changed to Hazique My Best Buddy. Sheens is just rolling her eyes and I offered to change it to Friend #1, Friend #2 & Friend #3. She rolls her eyes more saying then Hazique will fight over who is #1, 2 or 3!

**Valentine's Day - Swetha & Sheens played a prank by requesting a song and dedicated to Hazique - Song entitled "Superstar". Sheens is like instead of acting cool about it - he got worked up wanting to know who had requested the song and got TOTAL hyper about it. Cheap thrill in a child's life - but hei - come to think of it - even at my age I would get hyper and would want to find out who was it who dedicated the song to me.

**It was Ming Yao birthday today. So she went shopping for a gift for him. She went thru 5 malls and was totally tired of walking. Her complain - Mummy I spent $xx on Hazique present so I need to match the same for Ming Yao. I need to buy more stuff for Ming Yao besides the billybong bag. Give me ideas - yeah Sheens - you rejected all my ideas - my ideas are old fashion is wat you said - remember. (I am rolling my eyes now)

**She had to attend an interview for Pre U seminar. Guess wat - she forgets. Sends me an sms saying how useless and good for nothing she is. Of course I went into panic mode with the suicide rate amongst kids. Of course I convince her she's perfect and after numerous sms-es - I end up being called useless and very mean. Hazique The Great is more sympathetic. Aiyo!

**Her history teacher says she has been missing classes and complains to the disciplinary master and her form teacher that Sheena bunked 2 classes. Oh god, she got wild. She even went to the teacher and showed her notes and described incidents on what happened during the lesson. Teacher excuse is - I did not see you. So I will mark you absent. Life's not fair - yes baby we all know that - life is just not fair. Convo ended with teacher saying I will be calling your mom - sheens with full attitude - PLEASE DO!

**Last complain - can you please update your blog. Everyone is complaining there is nothing happening in your life.

Yes beta - your wish is my command - Here is the update from the grouchy and irritated baby of mine!

But I still love her.

Thank god my Nisha is very mild and calm and trouble-free! Thank you god!

Pictures: After the above story - we need a face to relate the names to. So here goes. Here's Sheena, Swetha & Archana during their Saree Nite. The 3 perfect angels. They looked gorgeous and will definately grow up to be lovely ladies.

And of course - The Great Hazique & some guy called Ming Yao


shalini

Bangkok – the Ultimate Sin City

Decided to take a break during Christmas holidays.. Met up with Jeeya, Miki and Pragya in Bangkok. They say Bangkok is the ultimate sin city – I totally agree. Somehow you just let loose and you feel free. I went wild.

Was busy catching up with the girls, clubbing, playing pool and shopping. Daily routine use to be club till 4-5am, come home and eat supper, sleep and be awake by 11am to go shopping. Back by 7 pm and then hit the clubs again by 11pm.

Ayub was kind enough to house all of us. The 3 girls slept in one room while I took the sofa in the hall.


Highlights –

* Jeeya being picked up in the clubs (why me was her mantra every night)
* Me playing pool and winning quite a few games – considering I don’t know how to play pool
* Me getting hysterical at the pool table – crying, laughing and splitting out water from the mouth while trying to control the laughter
* All of us getting drunk and high 4 nights in a row
* Miki sleep walking and deciding to sleep on the floor in front of the toilet
* Jeeya sleep walking and just going round and round the kitchen, hall and bedroom
* Shopping and more shopping till we dropped – see the dark circles under my eye.

* Went wild buying t-shirts for the gang
* Eating good home cook meal 4 times a day – breakfast, lunch, dinner and after clubbing supper. Though I still don’t understand why we cant have dhal for 2 days in a row for both lunch & dinner?!
* Arguing with a drunk Ayub every night about how I should sleep in his room while he takes the couch. In hindsight, I should have just recorded the convo on my hp and played it out every nite
* The foot massages were to die for!

After distributing all the gifts I bought in Bangkok, I realize besides 2 tops – I bought nothing for myself!!!

I need another trip!

shalini

Sheena – the world class globe trotter

Oh what an eventful closing of the year it has been…

Sheens came back from London with this t-shirt for me – yes she does love me! I believe so. Trust me.

Poor child. Had to travel 18 hours from London to Sin via Doha and then travel onto Delhi for another 6 hours flight on the same day. She had a 5 hour break in Singapore where she slept for 2 hours and woke up with a splitting headache. But she managed to pull herself up and get to the airport and flew to Delhi. And there - she slept and slept for the next 24 hours. I don’t blame her – poor child. Like I had stated in the earlier blog on her laziness, if she wants to do it, she will do it. Otherwise you can scream and rant – and nothing happens.

And this time – I was smarter. Got her to call me from Doha airport. It cost 60 bucks for the 15 mins convo but it was worth every single penny. I spoke to her and I was calm.

Of course the kiasu mother turned up one hour before the plane landed and waited for the precious cargo along with Nidhi. Half an hour later, still no sign of her. Nidhi and I looked and looked and we couldn’t spot her across the glass. So called her – and she says – mom I am right in front of you, I can see you and you can’t see me? And true enough – she was standing right in front of me waiting for her bags. My excuse is – she was in black and she was so skinny – I couldn’t recognize her.

But it was good to have her back.. and she lost so much weight! I tried feeding her but no luck… well she will be normal in India when mom starts feeding her all the ghee stuff.

shalini

1st SMS from London

Sheens 1st sms from London received today at 2.45pm:

Hello mummy... (isnt that the best sound in the world!)

its not too cold at all. More like india but our hands tend to freeze more. The weather is lovely! I can't seem to sleep for some reason. Dinner was awful, I had to eat vegetarian coZ MY teacher thinks i'm muslim. Thus I didn't eat anything. First day was great. We went to some poet's house and walked around a bit.. It gets colder at night, but we've got heaters. And i'm much better covered than others so i dun feel the cold at all :)

:) :) :)
Thank you God - my baby is safe and she's good - I must have re-read the message ten times and I know I will read it all nite again and again. I just can't stop smiling now.

shalini

Cling-y Mom

Kids - they decide who and what you are everyday!
I became a Clingy MOM today...

Nisha left on Nov 14 for her annual delhi trip to my ex inlaws place. First it showed how comfy she was and also how well she has adjusted to the family. Sheens was not going till Dec and yet Nisha was clear that she wanted to go "home" regardless of Sheens being there or not. The first few days I missed her like crazy and call her at least 3 times everyday. I use to wake up saying I wonder how she's doing. And sheens use to say "Oh Grandma starved her and she's dead' or "She's been kidnapped" and the best being "Oh my grandparents sold her off as a slave" and gives me that wierd horrific look - Grow up MOM. I know Nish not my birth daughter but I can't help it if I feel/care so strongly for her.

Sheens left last nite for London. And guess wat - after 15 hours i broke down. This is the first time I never had any sms or call from Sheen for such a long long time. We talk (either sms or phone convo) every few hours wen she's in sin or in india.

First time for 15 hours no news - no convo - no sms.

I freaked out - i started crying. Called Parul and she did not pick up the phone. Called Victor he did not pick up the phone. Called Rakhee next and thank god she picked up the phone and told me to not worry, she's safe and in a flight. Of course she's safe and on a flight! But that "lost" feeling is persisting. I calmed down a bit though.

Kathryne came over to keep me company till sheens calls me. And victor called finally and made full fun of me. Let go - stop being a clingy mom. What happens if she goes away for a weekend with her bf in future or if she elopes. To which my reply was I will pick you up and we will hunt her down - period. No two ways about it.

Finally sheens calls after 18.45 hours. She's ok. A bit cheesed off that her brand new winter jacket's belt has gone missing. It fell off somewhere.

She's ok - and I'm ok now. Victor came over then to take me out for dinner. I had no mood to eat earlier but since Sheens had called, Victor says you will eat now.

For all his bravado and macho exterior - he cares about me and is a true true friend. He came over as soon as he was free, and kept a tab on me till sheens called and finally insisted I eat and took me and Kat to Chicken Rice.

And today I gain the title - Clingy Mom!

shalini

Sheens in Hospital

Does she looks sick to you at all? It just looks like she has a bad hair day rite?

Well she was sick. Got herself admitted in TTSH all because she refuse to see a doc wen she felt her first few pains at her back. God child!

Pain means you are ill. See a doc - get medication!

She had kidney infection. Was in for 5 nites and she was a total baby at the end of it. Was crying with pain cause of the drip connection. Here's a pic of the drip-


She gave me such a scare - even to Parul & Sunil. Come day 3, the nurses forget to give me her medication dosage and the ward doc did nothing about it. By evening, she was in such agony that she couldnt move her right arm. Finally got the doc in and he realised that she had missed a dosage. Gave her an instant dosage via the IV and she was fine in 5 mins. But was a scary & horrifying experience. How could they forget!

Day 6 dawns and she decides to discharge herself. She did. Why - because she got some camp she has to go for. She promised her 2 best friends Hazique & Zhi Yu.

Aiyo.

But she survived the camp and recovered well and now preparing for her London trip.

Thank you god! And thank you Parul, Nidhi, Gana, Lala, Chacha for doing hospital duty of entertaining her. Nisha for being my 2nd arm and always being there at Sheens back and call in the hospital. Muneer & Serena for the high school musical book that kept her entertained for 2 nites. And Kat, Kim & Celine - the flowers and the teddy bear. That brought a big big smile on her face (even mine!) Though I am still wondering - why did i not get flowers when i was admitted? Sigh - life is not fair!

PS - yes the 2 best friend plus some guy named ming yao took good care of sheens, made sure her medication were taken with tons of water and returned her back in good form and spirit albeit without a voice. They even showed her Madagascar as a bonus and till date she can't stop talking abt her camp and her friends - thank you guys for being her angels :)

shalini

Horoscope

Saturday morning. In the kitchen - cooking for lunch since the gang was coming. Sheens starts convo by saying that a school friend for her, Zhi Yu, created her horoscope online. Site being www.cafeastrology.com. No big deal - I dont believe in astrology anyways - as a muslim, there is no such thing!

But guess what - sheens reads the horoscope and everything i believed in flew out of the window. Forget being a muslim, forget being a logical person with brains (at times!), forget being a rational person - just forget it.

According to Zhi Yu's newly discovered site - sheens will not marry. And if she does it will be at 34 and she will not be faithful! No children, she does not like doing housework, is lazy but though its politely defined as she knows how to separate leisure time with work time hence she appears lazy to others.

As HER mom, let me tell you - she is lazy. Period. No 2 ways about it - no matter how beautifully you phrase it. But if she's in the mood, she'll do everything - mopping, vacuming, clean the house to perfection. Otherwise the tea cup will sit on the table till it becomes moldy and smelly but she wont lift a finger at all to wash it. And she has the making of being a good cook - she has that magic in her hands.

Now back to sheens horoscope, she will have good job and money. She likes finer things in life and becomes materialistic.

Panicked - I started by saying:

Me: Listen sheens - marriage is sacred institution. its important to be faithful and committed in any relationship. And it is each individual human being duty to marry and reproduce.
Sheena: Where is it written mummy?
Me: In the Islam & Hindu religion (remember her dad is Hindu)
Sheena: Yeah rite
Me: In the society we live in!
Sheena: Yeah rite
Me: In my book Sheena!
Sheena: Sighs and give me that weird look

So I start again by saying marriage is sacred and how its a holy institution - yada yada yada. And she turns around and says - I am not getting married today Mom! So chill mom.

I did the next best thing - I called India. Spoke to mom and got dad to go to the pandit there and then. Relax Shalini - says dad. Apparently when sheens was born, her khundli was done. And it says she will marry at 32 and have 2 kids. Phew - relief.

Then bomb drops - timing on the khundli is wrong. Aiyo. Panic again and sent dad out to the pandit immediately. Now he goes to some physco pandit who says he wants sheens india time of birth and it will take him 3 days to do it. So am waiting.

Then told sheens to do nisha's horoscope. Bad bad bad choice. She becomes a drug addict! Aiyo! But she gets married and have lots of kids. In hindsight, yeah right! Nisha is the straightest and the sweetest kid around.

In walks Victor for lunch - seeing me frantic he says "kya hua shalini?" and gives me a big hug. Told him the issue. And you know what he does - "Hei Sheens - good job - you have a rocking life" and hi-fives sheens. Next parul, sunil and montu bhaiya walks in. They all are just too happy she has a great life ahead and agree with Victor. And I am left stunned!

Where have i gone wrong? What values have I thought my kids? To be a drug addict, not get married, have no kids, be unfaithful. Oh god - where did I go wrong! Was in a drugged state the whole weekend. And all nisha could do was - laugh and sheens was all smug!!!

Today is Tuesday and am in the office - reality is surfacing in me. Slowly I am coming out of the haze! My mind clearing. I did my level best with the kids, its not something i know, its a fact of life. I refuse to believe my children will turn out such in future. They are good kids with good values. They are my pride and joy and they will not disappoint me.

Besides - how can a website be right - right? And its a horoscope - i have better faith in my kids and my parvarish!!

And sheens you will avoid Zhi Yu whenever she is visiting funny websites! If I ever meet that child....

shalini

Eid Photos

I won!

How often do we win in lucky draws & toto? I guess after cribbing so much on the National Day toto draw, God decided to be merciful and award me a prize.

Recently I won a 32" Sharp LCD tv. Yippee Yeah. It was a customer appreciation lunch and they had lucky draw. First prize being the TV. I had gone there with Pramod, a colleague of mine. Immediately after the lunch, Pramod's mantra was - "lets go na.. we wont win. chal na - lets go"

But I stuck my guns out. And they announced the 1st prize winner - some lady from Singapore Tourism Board, Pramod gave me that "I told you so" look. I sighed - i offered to buy him chai for a week for making him sit thru this.

But no lady came forward - the lady was gone. She did not wait for the lucky draw. The next name drawn was mine. Oh the smiles, the laughter, the joy - the happiness. I won - oh god - i won!

The last time i won a pair of diamond rings were 10 years back at the CK Tang lucky draw. And now this!

First person i called is Victor and he was really sweet about it. Then Pramod says - dont you want to call your kids - oh yes - my kids - how can i forget. Called sheens then parul and put them on conference. Called nisha after that.

Last saturday - i went to redeem the tv. I upgraded it to 37" by paying $400 more. I think its totally worth it. And the new tv will be delivered this sat.

Now the problems this new tv has created for me in my life:

- Sheens is hopping mad. She says I get headache with a 29" tv (our current tv size) and now you got us a 37". I told you to just stick by the 32" rite? I am still trying to figure out - who is the mom here!

- The current tv was given to us by Jacqueline before she migrated to Melbourne. Its a nishani (momento) - how can you get a new tv. How can you just throw the nishani away?

- 37" is too big for our hall! We live in a hdb flat and not a condo!

Aiyo!

First of all kid (the mom is speaking here!):

- I always wanted an lcd tv. since parul got hers 2 months back, i have been craving for one. I would have gotten one sooner or later.

- I am not throwing the nishani away - I am giving it to my bro who needs a tv. So the tv will still be around and we can always go visit him whenever YOU miss Jacqueline auntie too much. I miss her too but i dont need to see the tv to miss her! Child - you got your logic of missing people - distorted and twisted!

- Wats the point of having a lcd flat tv if its only 32"? besides victor and rajiv said for $400 its worth it to get a 37". And once you place the tv against the wall, it will look fine in the hall. So please blame them too for my decision!

Anyways all said and done, am really happy. I won a tv.

shalini

So much happening

Have been really lazy and busy...

- My brain angio happened on Aug 26 and it went well. There must be someone up there who is really happy with me or either all my friends and families prayers came thru. I must say am really thankful and grateful to god, family and friends for always being there when i need them. From next year onwards - its only an MRI - no more angio - yippee yu!!

- Eid. Last week. Was awesome. The family and friends came. Sunil running up and down getting drinks and change for eidi, Parul in a beautiful saree looking gorgeous as always, playing taboo till 11.30pm. The star of the taboo game is Urpala - for an 8 year old - she rocked! All her statements started with either Appa this, Amma this or Akka this. Point to note: the life of this little girl revolves only around her family and it shows how much she is loved and secure in her childhood. Her dad, Raymond, was the exact opposite - boring! Too precise and no fun at all. Came sheena's turn and she says "Mummy when i grow up, I want to be this" And prompt came the reply from Sunil and Victor - "THIN". Sheena was just too shocked and rolled her eyes. The answer was a millionaire. Met the NUS team after 1 year and was just too happy to see them.

- Kids exam going on!

- Sheens falling sick all the time. Need to get some multi vitamin or home made remedy for her. Let me call mom!

- "When will I get a new job?" is a question thats asked to me by Rohini everyday without fail. Any ideas on the perfect reply? I always say - "When i get one babe - you will get one too.."

- JayJay was here for a visit over the weekend with his wife, Navaz. Too short a visit but it was great to see them. First time in 9 years did i see Nisha saying a proper goodbye and with a hug too. Wow - normally she's so cold. But then that is one special couple!

shalini

Toto - Lottery

On Wednesday morning (6/8/08) Pramod comes up and says - you know Shalini its the S$8 million lottery draw on Friday. The chinese believe 8th being the lucky number and its 8 of August (another 8) and year being 2008 (another 8). So its a lucky day and there is a $8 million prize. You have to buy!!

I got the bug.. i actually did. I gathered 9 of my colleagues - conned them into giving me $7 each and bought 18 tickets at $3.50 a piece. I met Parul for lunch and conned her into buying 6 more tickets.

And i started dreaming. All i want is 500K, no need for millions. I want to do my europe tour with the kids, i want to pay back my loan for the kitchen reno, i want to donate 100K and finance one underprivileged kid's education, i want to - i want to - i want to. I just keep building castles in the air. For 2 days.

On Fri nite, the day of the draw, i was one the 1st to check whether i won. Lo behold - my castles burst. Deep down i knew i would never win - its a chance in a million. So why am i disappointed and upset? Why am I blaming god for not giving me luck?

Is it fair? As a muslim, the money earned from lucky draw/toto is haram. So why am I blaming god?

Life has always been unfair to me - my dysfunctional family, my divorce, my job, my surgery last year, sheens problems with bhabhi, nisha's family problems, my both brothers personal problems. It just goes on and never ends!

Is it?
- My dysfunctional family has always been there when i needed them. Always.

- I have fantastic "outlaws" from the divorce. Our relationship of 14 years is the best and I can count on them everytime, whenever i need them.

- Its has been 16 years since i joined the work force. And I always had fun. Even today and I have made tons of good friends over the years. Ask anyone about Shalini and all they say is - she's always playing games in the office and getting paid for it.

- My surgery gave me one thing - my FRIENDS - my extended family. Everyone prayed, called, and were there for me this past 1 year.

- Kids are resilient. They will face problems in their lives. How long will i shelter them. I just have to be there when they need me and I promise i will be there.

- My brothers are old enough to know what they are doing. They know what is right and what is wrong. Why do I have to worry about them?

Now - after listing down these points, life looks great and fair.

Life is a journey and I have enough people to ride it out with. I am not alone and I have lots to be grateful for.

Will I buy toto again? I might and I will try again for the $8 million. Maybe next time I will be lucky.

Umeed pe dunia kayam hai!

shalini

Sheens's Progress in JC

As most of you know, sheens has settle down to JC (junior college) life pretty well. She still learning to manage her time and rushing to finish her assignments and projects but she's enjoying it.

Had my first parent-teacher meet last saturday. Her result is suppose to be good - she failed 2 subjects (english and economics) - and yes her results is good. The teachers words are :
* its her 1st exam and this is very different from secondary school, so she needs time to understand and adjust to jc lifestyle and do well in exams
* she needs to read magazine and newspapers to substantiate her facts, she's all over the place when she is writing essays - needs to be focused
* her major problem is - she can't spell. She needs spelling lessons. Its amazing considering she speaks very very well AND she can't spell simple words
* she needs to go one-on-one with her econs teacher in order to understand her questions
* I have no complains from her other teachers (this considering she was the naughtiest child in primary school!) Thank god for small mercies.

Being a kiasu mom - my questions was how did the other student fare? Not too good. A few students have been asked to leave. Some of them are having meeting with the principal and vice principal. So if you are meeting a teacher, then your child did well.

You know something - I am still confused. Did my child do well? She failed 2 subjects and her teacher keeps saying she did well. sigh!

BUT but but she bringing glory to the school's name. She's in debate and the school came in 3rd in the inter JC debate championship. 1st time in history! The underdogs had their name up there! And sheena's name is up there..

All of that is ok i guess - so i am suppose to be happy with the fact that she is bringing glory to her school?? Logic please. Did she do well in her exams? Should I start hiring tutors, restricting her movements so that she studies day and nite, sit with her while she burns midnite oil - more sighs - is it normal to get such result in jc 1st exam - did my daughter do well in her exams!!!!!!!!! arghhhhh

shalini

Lame-st excuses

Here are some excuses I received for forgetting my birthday:

Happy Birthday. I did wish you. Its just that i did not sms you or call you or email you. I thought it will be too impersonal. Love you
Vibs, London

The competition to be the first one to wish was huge and unfair. So i decided to settle for the last one to wish you. So from the "last one" SELAMAT HARI JADI!!
Ravin, Kuala Lumpur

I never forget a very good friend's birthday but I was in jb. Came back at 1am. Will c you for lunch today if you are ok. i want to c you. Sori dear
Shaan, Singapore

So so sorry dear. Was so so busy n had many things in mind. Sometimes its so cruel of me that i forgets my own birthday. Just imagine! Ever heard of it? Anyways happy belated birthday. Sorry again
Chaya, Singapore

Belated wishes! See i dont miss much
Pramod, Singapore

Wishing you a belated happy birthday. I was on medical leave yesterday
Teghjeet, Singapore

My dearest shalini wish you a very belated but very very happy birthday. Sorry for that. We are moving places and so totally tied up in it all
Pavan, Singapore

Ok I am an old man - Happy belated birthday
Deven, Singapore

Your bday is on the 9th na? Neha and I were talking about you over weekend.
Rajesh, London

See in our diaries, your bday is on 9th so we will wish you on the 9th. Happy birthday..
Neha, London

Hey srrryy.. u know us! happy bday. hope you had fun!!
Neha & Ravi, Hong Kong

See shalini its 11pm on 8th July in Delhi rite now. As far as we are concerned, we made it in time to wish you happy birthday
Jeeya & Tanya, Delhi

The sincerest:
My darling I am truly very sorry. No excuses I agree, but am so stuck at work I dont have a moment to breathe these days. Will make it up to you I promise - Divya, Bombay

The best:
Victor did not sms us to remind us - hence its his fault

shalini

I'm Blessed

I am BLESSED. I have angels looking after me day in day out. I realised this at the end of my birthday dinner last nite.

I'm 41 - yippee. Old? Is it just a number? Is in the heart? Is it in the mind? God knows.. all I know is I am truly happy.

The first bday wish came on fri - with rajiv calling me up saying
R: "Jaan i just want to wish you happy birthday. I cant make it tonite to cut cake"
Me: "Idiot - its not my bday yet. My bday is on Tuesday"
R: But Parul sent me an sms saying its today

Aiyo... Rajiv Stephen Banerjee - I just give up on you!

On Monday celebrations started. Went lunch with family (kids and parul), went Number 5 in the evening with Parul, Mani, Kat, Kim & Victoria and cut my 1st bday cake.

Came rushing home by 10pm and started cleaning the house. First thing I did was - take out all the eggs from the fridge and hid it under the bed. As most of you remember, last year hospitalisation started with Montu Bhaiya breaking an egg on my head!

So now safe - no egg breaking this year on my head. No hospital. Red wine, white wine, beer and cider in the fridge. And waited and waited. Sharp 12 - in walks Gana, Parul, Sunil and Victor with the cake. Cut my 2nd bday cake.

Surprise was that this time there was no cake smearing on the face also. Every year, every bday I get smash with cream and cake all over my face and hair. I guess last year must have been really scared or freaked them out. But then, who wants to go thru last year's agony again... Phew

Took the day off from work, so stayed home and chilled. Talked to everyone on phone and sms. Everyone remembered. Wow.

SMS started with Girish, Mandy, Ashish, Zainab, Swetha, Chisty, Devendra, Jasbir, Kathryne, Wai Kit, Montu Bhaiya, Gana, Poonam, Urmi, Jackie, ED, Shradha, Yanti, Jacqueline, Aru, Praveen, Ajay, Meetu, Lala, Mohit, Minky

Calls from Sheens, Dad & Mom (early morning), Nisha, Chunnu Bhaiya, Anjali & Praveen, Jay Jay, Shana, Gayathri, Meenu, Nidhi, Praveen, Priya, Bhavna, Bhabhi, Ravi Topo, Hani Bhaiya, Jeeya and Tanya

Emails from Anil, Diana, Shakun, Tony, Amrita, Joyee, Lesly, Saerrah

Then the highlight of the day - the DINNER. I never knew so many people - so many of my friends could keep a secret. Parul refuse to tell me the venue. Dinner was at 7.30pm. Till that time, I had no clue where dinner was. Noone - not even my own kids - ALL - refused to tell me where it is. Let it be a surprised was all they could say.

Well it was. It was touching, very meaningful to me and very humbling. The gang was there. My immediate extended family was there. Every single one of them. Aayush, Anjali, Gana, Montu Bhaiya, Nidhi, Parul, Rakhee, Rajiv, Rohini, Sid, Sunil, Victor, and Kids. Cut my 3rd bday cake!

It was fun - awesome - amazing - humbling day : All the sms-es, calls, lunches, dinners : To know that I am surrounded and blessed by so many loving people in my life. So here's to you my friends - You make a difference in people lives especially mine. All I can say is May god bless everyone with close friends like mine.

So what do I have at the end of 41 years:
- marvelous kids
- authentic friends
- tons of jewellery
- beautiful home
- good health (after last year's fiasco!)
- peace
- some wisdom!

Firstly - Thank you god for I am really blessed! Secondly - Thank you Parul, you made it a very very special day for me.

And the party goes on this week with lunches, dinners and a fervent prayer that this freebies last for at least the next 2-3 weeks.

The belated bday calls and sms continues as we speak with Neha Bakshi, Rajesh, Deven, Loga, Teghjeet, M K, Girish Kamat, Pavan, Pramod, Chaya, Abhishek, AJ, James, Shaan, Sheela, Shivangi, Shashank, Pankaj, Ravin, Neha S, Zeenat, Shabab, Deven (with beautiful flowers),....

PS - dinner was at Cafe Iguana, Riverside. Apparently i forgot to mention tat. Sorry Jacqueline... aiyo - m really getting old

shalini

Happy Birthday to ME

Time flies - it really does whether you having fun or not. Its already July and my big day - my birthday tomorrow. With all the activities going on, I've just been too busy to reflect where my life is heading. And i started doing just that this morning in the bus on my way to work but all i could say was - "Thank you god for this life. Its perfect in every way with the ups and downs!"

Festivities starts today:

* Lunch at our fav turkish restaurant - iskander kebab and kunefe. Yum Yum.

* Daru party at number 5 with my fav chicken wings and all my girlfriends only.

* Tomorrow - Parul has taken the day off to spend it with me - yippee.. so will start with a good lunch (brake - lunch is after 3pm since there is delivery to be received at her home) - she's really going to starve me on my bday.

* Then the usual dinner with family and extended family and friends. Though half of them are vegetarian. Arghhhh

Will pen down my thoughts only after the dinner and how i feel on getting old but in the meantime here is something that Ajay sent to me that I am sure you will all agree on:

Kagaz Ki Kashti Thi, Paani Ka Kinara Tha
Khelne Ki Masti Thi, Dil Ye Aawara Tha
Kahan Aa Gaye Is Jawaani Ke Daaldal Mein,
Woh Bachpan Kitna Pyara Tha

shalini