Religion & My Name Is Khan

As everyone know, I was born in a Muslim family. Hence I am a Muslim. A practicing Muslim – not a fanatic Muslim but I like to believe I am a moderate Muslim.

At the age of 22, I married a Hindu but was still practicing the religion since I couldn’t bring myself to convert to Hinduism. Nor was I ever forced by anyone on my in-laws side to convert or start practicing the Hindu religion. I was one of those lucky people who was/is blessed with such understanding and supportive in-laws.

I saw the movie My Name Is Khan today. The main point in the movie he was/is trying to make is “My Name is Khan and I am not a terrorist” ie not every Muslim is a terrorist.

I came out of the movie with another point. There 2 types of people in this world. There are good people and the bad people. There is a man with a stick hitting a child hence he is bad. There is a man giving a lollipop to a child, hence he is good. So lets compare these 2 people and decide - who is the Muslim and who is the Hindu. And seriously - this is one funda that registered and something that I could totally relate to.

Now the main point – religion. I was born in a Muslim family, hence I am a Muslim. If I were to be born in a Christian family, my faith would be Christianity etc etc.

- I believe that the color of my blood and any other person is RED. The blood won’t say I am a Muslim and the other blood is a Hindu or Buddhist or Christian.

- I believe no religion teaches you to be bad and there is no such thing as a bad religion.

- I believe that because you are born into that religion, your beliefs always lies there though there are exceptions where people do convert but mainly you remain in the faith you are born into.

Living in Singapore, I come across all religions. Touch wood, there has never been any major riots or fights in the name of religion. I was once in Delhi when a fight broke up between the Hindus and the Muslims and so many people were killed in the name of religion. It was painful and I couldn’t understand why they don’t see the point that you are taking a person’s life who happens to be someone's bro/sis/son/daughter which you don’t have any right to do. You building hatred in yourself and generating negative energy around you.

During that period, this uncle was visiting from Jaipur and when he learned that I am a Muslim, he refused to drink water that I had served. He ended up insulting my in-laws and walking out of the house. The hatred and also the fear on his face is something that I will never forget – it was so vivid – so strong. How can you hate someone just because he/she was born into that religion and/or believes in that religion.

In comparison, during one Diwali in Delhi, I was at a friend’s house during the Diwali pooja. Vibhor’s mom gave me a diya and asked me to participate in the ceremony, knowing full well that I am a Muslim. Vibhor’s mom didn’t force me to chant or sing or anything – just stand there with the family. It was an enlightening experience to watch how other’s perform their prayers, the rituals, the actions and be part of the celebration. Compared to the Jaipur Uncle, Vibhor’s mom holds a special place in my heart just because she did not discriminate me being a Muslim though she herself is a staunch Hindu.

And that’s the way I have brought up my daughters. Forget religion, just be a good human being. If you can sleep with a clear conscience every night, you are a good person. And whatever the religion, God only preaches good teaching and encourages you to be a good person doing good deeds.

I could totally relate to this movie and I encourage everyone to watch it. Hopefully we will come out and be a good person – the person who gives out lollipop instead of taking a stick to hit people!

shalini

Tragedy or Reality? The Life Story of a Princess??

Recently a thread of convo started on facebook with Sheens marriage issue. Her friends were goofing around and, as kids at their age, though life revolves around studying 24x7, they still like to have fun and goof around. Understandably with the ‘A’ levels pressure, it was all in the name of fun.

But that thread of conversation started me thinking and thinking real hard.

As most of you know, my ex in-laws are staunch, authentic Rajputs. Noone marries out of the caste, creed or religion. My ex hubby was the eldest son in the clan of 27 cousins and the first to marry outside the caste and even that to a Muslim. History has always shown that Rajputs worst enemies were the Muslims… so this was a total catastrophe.

Over time, the families reconciled, and life moved on smoothly.

Then the princess of the clan was born. Sheena Chauhan – the 1st girl – the crown princess as there were no other girl in the family. The HEAD girl.

The name choosing ceremony was a horrendous process. Each side wanted either a Muslim name or a Hindu name. But both gods were on our side… they were merciful and showed the movie Sheena of the Jungle in the hospital, the day after her birth. An Irish name meaning “God’s precious gift”. It was apt as she was and she is precious.

Now expectations were set and being set as she was enjoying a carefree life. She will marry within the caste, within the religion and that too to a RAJPUT. Even though the divorce happened yonks ago, but she is the Clan Princess. She has a crown and obligations on her shoulder that she will oblige to!

Little incidents started happening - I remember this one scene where my side of the family was having a prayer at someone home and the elderly members of the family started by saying – your daughter has grown up. We must start looking for someone for her. This went on for several minutes and it became unbearable. I couldn’t say anything as they were my elders and I rarely meet them. Then the bomb drops – Sheens couldn’t take it and announces – “Look naniji – my mother is a muslim, my dad is a hindu and I have a Christian name – hence I will marry a white”. Saying this, she leaves the hall. Pin drop silence. Then explosion on how rude she is, and how I have brought her up with no values. I put my hand up and say – she’s only 14 years of age. How do you expect her to react when you bring such topic up with a 14 year old!!!! Arghhhh

The next incident happens 2 years later at a wedding. One of the aunties come up to me and say – oh we have this nice educated guy in the village in India and we come with a proposal for marriage for your daughter. I was speechless. Recovering I asked, may I know how old do you think my daughter is? Pat came the reply, she’s 18 or 20 no? I lost it and shouted, no she is only 16 and I have no desire to see her married until she’s 30 years of age!!!!

And the FB thing exploded today with Sheens marriage issue and I am scared and thinking hard.

Is Sheena expected to follow the rules set by her grandma? What if she defies it and marries out of religion, caste & creed? What happens then?

What do I want? Where is my stance with my only child? Do I want a life like all the royal princesses stories that we hear on the tv and read about in the magazines and papers? Loads and loads of expectations & obligations & responsibilities?

I have always brought her up with knowledge on both religions and most importantly – always to be a good human being first – kind, considerate and generous. Go to bed every night with a clear conscience and do not ever hurt anyone intentionally. No religions teaches you bad stuff… every religion is good.

So where does that leave my child – she’s suppose to be god’s precious gift right? So what am I going to do? What is Sheena going to do? I wrestled with it the whole day in the office today while working on the company's annual report and I have decided:

- 1st of all, she is still a kid – she’s only 18 so lets take a chill pill!!!!

- As her mother, I will always stand by her with whatever she decides in life

- Last but not least – she is not ALLOWED to marry till she’s 30 years of age!!!

Phew I feel better now with that final statement. And now I can go home and sleep in peace. Goodnite all

shalini

Dear Salary

shalini

Oh wat a nite

You know the famous old song – oh what a night by Frankie Valli. Well sheens 18 birthday was such a night for me.. Such an eye opener it was and a big wake up call for me. And I just have been singing that song since that nite!

It all started well and hunky dory with her godma and sunil coming to buy her breakfast and wishing her. Then some of her close friends came over home to surprise her – then proceeding on to the bbq venue for the big bash.

Wait before that – she wanted a magazine like the one I did for Parul & Victor for their birthday. So had to do that project for her too. Chasing everyone for their write ups and photos. And guess wat – as usual – its my gang who delays it. Her school mates were fabulous – they replied and wrote and the only ones I had to chase was my gang – the adults! The last writer was Montu bhaiya!

Anyways magazine made and waiting to be given to her. Guess what sheens did? She sets an alarm on her watch for 3am. Everyone is asleep and she goes to my handbag, takes out the magazine and sits in the toilet reading her magazine. Oh child, couldn’t you wait a few more hours – it would have been given to you – its yours!

So back to D-Day. Caterers came, set up the food and I was politely told – mum please go away. I go up to Parul’s place to help her cook.

10 mins later a frantic phone call – “Mummy! The security guard is here. What’s the unit number and the block number that was used to book the bbq pit?” I panicked and looked out of the balcony – and guess wat – the kids are in the swimming pool with their clothes on. Apparently they were thrown in as they came for the party. Hence the security guard.


Other highlights:

- Nandini walks in looking so pretty and gorgeous in a really nice dress. Next thing I know – she’s thrown into the pool - totally drenched and wet and laughing. Oh yes – laughing. She’s totally ok with it – if someone did that to me – I will kill the person – personally!

- When I came back from Parul’s place, I see bottles of liquor on one table. I approach the kids and say – excuse me how old are you guys that you are drinking. Guess wats the answer was – “Auntie we are old enough to drink – we all above 18 hence above the legal age” – oh god. I start hyperventilating.

- A friend of Sheens comes and says:
Friend: “Auntie can we give Sheena drinks?”
Me: “Look my child – in my books sheena is only legal and allowed to drink when she reaches 25!!!!!!”

- An hour later:
Friend: “Auntie – can we dump sheena in the swimming pool?”
Me: “Please do so after all her guest arrives – at least after 7.30pm”

Now why would you want to do that – she’s looking fantastic in her new dress that her godma & didi(s) bought for her. It’s a $100 dress that she is wearing for the 1st time. Why would you want to dunk her in the pool? Where is the logic here?

- This girl lifts her t-shirt and she has the hives on her body. It really scary – blood patches all over her body. First thing in my mind was – where is the nearest doctor – forget doc – what’s the ambulance number… And the child is saying – its ok auntie. It happens whenever I drink – oh child – then why do you drink!!!! Aiyo

- Another friend of sheens – goes around repeatedly telling parul and me – “Auntie I am a really good boy you know. I really am. You not upset with me are you?” Yes – you guessed it – he was talli.. totally talli

Anyways it goes on and on and on…By the end of it, I was tired, cranky and totally hysterical.

Lesson learnt – never ever again! No way. I am too old for this – I really am.

The outcome - the birthday girl is happy and over the moon - she has at least 8 albums on facebook for her birthday photos - her friends are apparently happy too - she loves her magazine!

One week later –
Sheena: Mom there is a chalet during the june holidays. May I go?
Me: With whom?
Sheena: Same gang – those who attended my birthday party.
Me: No way – you dream baby.

After much negotiation – she gets to go. She will pay me cab fare from her allowance to spot check on her 3 times everyday. And if her 2 best friends – Jared or Fei Yin (or she for that matter) - are drinking and I smell liquor on them – I have every right to drag her home by her hair

Yippee – such a good deal – I am so happy now. Though she still arguing over - Why Jared? Why Fei Yin? Rules are rules babe - (Evil Grin!)

shalini

My Angels

Isn't this an awesome picture? (Yes the proud mummy is speaking here!)



shalini

It is Friday the 13th.

Guess what - its 2 months into 2009 and today i realise life is back to normal.

How - sheens comes home with full of complaints of her school life... Here's the list:

**Her best friends have decided to immortalised themselves on her cell phone - oops sorry Hazique decides to immortalised Sheens best friends - so he replaces Swetha who became Swetha My Saviour, somebody called Ming Yao (earlier blog remember) became Ming Yao My Hero and Hazique became Hazique The Great then he realised not personal enough - so it was changed to Hazique My Best Buddy. Sheens is just rolling her eyes and I offered to change it to Friend #1, Friend #2 & Friend #3. She rolls her eyes more saying then Hazique will fight over who is #1, 2 or 3!

**Valentine's Day - Swetha & Sheens played a prank by requesting a song and dedicated to Hazique - Song entitled "Superstar". Sheens is like instead of acting cool about it - he got worked up wanting to know who had requested the song and got TOTAL hyper about it. Cheap thrill in a child's life - but hei - come to think of it - even at my age I would get hyper and would want to find out who was it who dedicated the song to me.

**It was Ming Yao birthday today. So she went shopping for a gift for him. She went thru 5 malls and was totally tired of walking. Her complain - Mummy I spent $xx on Hazique present so I need to match the same for Ming Yao. I need to buy more stuff for Ming Yao besides the billybong bag. Give me ideas - yeah Sheens - you rejected all my ideas - my ideas are old fashion is wat you said - remember. (I am rolling my eyes now)

**She had to attend an interview for Pre U seminar. Guess wat - she forgets. Sends me an sms saying how useless and good for nothing she is. Of course I went into panic mode with the suicide rate amongst kids. Of course I convince her she's perfect and after numerous sms-es - I end up being called useless and very mean. Hazique The Great is more sympathetic. Aiyo!

**Her history teacher says she has been missing classes and complains to the disciplinary master and her form teacher that Sheena bunked 2 classes. Oh god, she got wild. She even went to the teacher and showed her notes and described incidents on what happened during the lesson. Teacher excuse is - I did not see you. So I will mark you absent. Life's not fair - yes baby we all know that - life is just not fair. Convo ended with teacher saying I will be calling your mom - sheens with full attitude - PLEASE DO!

**Last complain - can you please update your blog. Everyone is complaining there is nothing happening in your life.

Yes beta - your wish is my command - Here is the update from the grouchy and irritated baby of mine!

But I still love her.

Thank god my Nisha is very mild and calm and trouble-free! Thank you god!

Pictures: After the above story - we need a face to relate the names to. So here goes. Here's Sheena, Swetha & Archana during their Saree Nite. The 3 perfect angels. They looked gorgeous and will definately grow up to be lovely ladies.

And of course - The Great Hazique & some guy called Ming Yao


shalini

Bangkok – the Ultimate Sin City

Decided to take a break during Christmas holidays.. Met up with Jeeya, Miki and Pragya in Bangkok. They say Bangkok is the ultimate sin city – I totally agree. Somehow you just let loose and you feel free. I went wild.

Was busy catching up with the girls, clubbing, playing pool and shopping. Daily routine use to be club till 4-5am, come home and eat supper, sleep and be awake by 11am to go shopping. Back by 7 pm and then hit the clubs again by 11pm.

Ayub was kind enough to house all of us. The 3 girls slept in one room while I took the sofa in the hall.


Highlights –

* Jeeya being picked up in the clubs (why me was her mantra every night)
* Me playing pool and winning quite a few games – considering I don’t know how to play pool
* Me getting hysterical at the pool table – crying, laughing and splitting out water from the mouth while trying to control the laughter
* All of us getting drunk and high 4 nights in a row
* Miki sleep walking and deciding to sleep on the floor in front of the toilet
* Jeeya sleep walking and just going round and round the kitchen, hall and bedroom
* Shopping and more shopping till we dropped – see the dark circles under my eye.

* Went wild buying t-shirts for the gang
* Eating good home cook meal 4 times a day – breakfast, lunch, dinner and after clubbing supper. Though I still don’t understand why we cant have dhal for 2 days in a row for both lunch & dinner?!
* Arguing with a drunk Ayub every night about how I should sleep in his room while he takes the couch. In hindsight, I should have just recorded the convo on my hp and played it out every nite
* The foot massages were to die for!

After distributing all the gifts I bought in Bangkok, I realize besides 2 tops – I bought nothing for myself!!!

I need another trip!

shalini